I’m reading ‘The Will To Change: Men, Masculinity and Love’, by Bell Hooks. Selected thoughts:

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Every man who wields domination over women was once a boy, dominated by men.

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Feminism is not matriarchy.

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One of the few safe venues for expressions of male tenderness is towards a pet; leading entirely dependent lives, they present no threat to a man’s place at the top of the household hierarchy. Even still we see a distinction—having grown up together, properly trained dogs naturally assume submissive roles to their owners and are the most acceptable recipient of love. Cats, being generally aloof and independent, are a more questionable choice and expressions of love towards them can cast doubt on a man’s commitment to his patriarchal masculinity.

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In a patriarchal society, girls are worthy of protection. Not from boys, who will one day be men after all, but at least from other girls. A boy who needs protection has lost something, has failed to meet the expectations of his role and has therefore been reduced in some un-nameable way.

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Patriarchy teaches boys that they are unlovable, and they feel this as men. The first step towards the way out is not to demand that others make us feel loved. How could they, when we have such conviction that we are unworthy of love?

Instead, we must re-learn to love ourselves, to reconnect with our inner children who know that our existence is sacred and that we are deserving of love and connection simply for being. Only by accepting this, by affirming that young boy’s need to be loved and by acknowledging how agonizing it has been to live without it, can we open our hearts to love from others.